


Broken

by derp2lol (Ihere)



Series: PoliceForcestuck [13]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Black Romance, F/M, Healing, Starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-10
Updated: 2012-08-10
Packaged: 2017-11-11 20:35:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/482657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihere/pseuds/derp2lol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aradia tries to live with the pain dealt to her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

You are walking down a street. The sun is just starting to rise, so you still wear a light jacket; for the weather and to hide certain scars. You have your hood pulled up over your head; you’re glad that there are hoods designed to fit all horn types. However, the citizens of Skaia that are awake at this hour recognize you. As you pass them they stare. Some whisper behind you to a friend, and some young children question about you to their guardians. They either think you can’t hear them, or they want you to hear them. Either way, you don’t care. You’ve gone through much more than this.

A small coffee shop stands by as you walk along. You’re again tempted by its alluring smells, but you do not go in. You are angry at yourself for running late and not making a cup at home. There is coffee at work for free; besides, you haven’t had coffee from a shop since the incident. 

The rising sun makes your jacket seem stuffy, but you endure the heat till you reach your destination. The guard outside immediately recognizes you and lets you in. You’ve haven’t needed to produce your identification since the incident. You would say that it is funny how things work that way, but it’s not.

Trolls are bustling all around you trying to organize for today’s production. The morning show has already started, and you see through a window the morning news conversing. You find their job stupid. Nothing happens in the morning, it’s mostly boring gossip of celebrities that wasn’t shared last night. The fact that people watch this trash compared to actual news information befuddles you.

You snap your fingers to an intern. Some tired yellow blood wiggler hoping for a chance at the spot light probably. He’s holding a pile of papers and he nods eagerly when you tell him to get your coffee.

You briskly walk over to your desk, your high heels clanking all the way on the hard floor. Your small desk is still slightly cluttered from the work you abandoned the previous night. However, a new piece of paper is resting nicely on top of your mess. You lift the paper and recognize it to be your next assignment, but you already knew that. 

You are to report on the Mayor’s banquet this week. You sigh; you guess this would be considered a great accomplishment, but you don’t feel it is. You are starting to feel less every day.

Time rolls by, as it ever does. You work on your set of questions in silence as others busy themselves around you. When the time for lunch comes by, you go to the cafeteria and purchase a small salad. You don’t have much of an appetite. You look for a seat; since your incident, others try to keep away from you. You could care less.

You find a small isolated table with two seats. You sit down and start on your salad; spreading raspberry dressing over the old green leaves. 

But surprisingly, someone sits next to you today. You try to ignore your new ‘chum,’ but she will not have it. You keep looking down, but you can feel her glare. She is disturbing your meal.

You stop eating, and sit your plastic fork down, “What do you want? Can’t you see I’m eating?”

The female troll stops glaring and frowns, “I’m worried about you.” She lowers her small blue hat from her head. “You’ve acting different.”

“I feel just fine.”

“Don’t lie to me. I know you aren’t calling him. He’s worried about you.”

You scoff, “So he sent someone to fight his own battles. How brave.”

“Now you know it’s not like that. We all have to be discreet.” 

“Then what are you doing here?” She looks into your eyes with her green ones.

“I’m trying to help you,” she whispers.

“Oh,” you laugh, “So you’re consulting me on my relationships? Save it for the camera.”

She growls, “I would, but you would never watch it!”

“That’s morning television. Highly unimportant.” You decide to return to your salad.

“This is not unimportant!” she argues, her voice brasher. The troll notices others looking at her, so she simmers down a notch and adjusts her green dress. “Look at you, you’re getting thinner.” True since your incident you’ve lost a noticeable amount of weight, but nothing that was vital. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

You feel strained, “You know what Nepeta? Just shut up. I can care for myself.”

She stands up, “Fine. I’m trying to help, and you know I’ll always be there for you Aradia. I just hope you come for me before you lose yourself.” And with that, she walks away.

Your name is Aradia Megido and you are infuriated. How dare she try to help you! You rub the sides of your head, why is Equius pestering you? Especially with her! Why doesn’t he realize that you are trying to stay away from him?

Whatever, you are done eating. You’ve suddenly lost your appetite. You dispose of your garbage and head back at your desk to work. 

Hours pass by, and you have trouble concentrating. Nepeta can be so bothersome. You guess that’s why she makes a good moirail for Equius; someone needs to push him in the right direction. You used to think that her interference with your relationship with Equius was a positive thing, now you are not so sure. 

In the beginning of your romantic matesprit-ship with Equius, Nepeta acted as a in between friend for the two of you. No one would think twice of a green and maroon blood socializing. She made a decent excuse for you to be around Equius. You even considered her a friend after a while. You were exultant that Equius told her about you. But that was in the past.

As adult trolls, things had to change. You couldn’t keep up the lie as merely schoolyard friends, but Nepeta found a job doing what she loved in the same group as you. She now serves as a public consultant on relations. Romantic relations. She has her own weekly segment in the morning where a couple will come to her to sort out their problems. Nepeta is quite respectable in her advice. However, many were worried that after her divorce, things would change. And they did, just not how they figured. After some time for healing, Nepeta returned to work with a new understanding of relationships. She became more thoughtful and able to give more considered advice to couples with more serious concerns. So it all was for the best, she claimed. But you know of the tears before and after the divorce. You know of the cost. And yet she puts on a smile saying love will always be in her heart. Whatever that means.

You decide to leave early. No one tries to stop you. After your incident with the blue bloods, everyone has been kinder to you. But you know what they really think. Their awkward smiles, and look backs are enough to tell you that they are suspicious. You claimed after being rescued that the blue bloods kidnapped you just because of your blood. But the caution still stands. Almost everyone that you work with is around your hue, and they haven’t been kidnapped. Some believe that you boasted about being better than the high bloods, others think you seduced one out of their money, and more think you murdered a high blood or two. You don’t care to correct the rumors; there’s not enough time and nothing could convince them otherwise. Except perhaps the truth. 

You’re home again; tired. You don’t know what to eat for dinner. Your refrigerator door is opened by your hand; nothing looks satisfying for your stomach. You back away and settle on some water and a rest in front of your TV. You open to the news that’s discussing the banquet you’re reviewing. They show some of the guest list; it’s impressive and vast. 

Someone knocks on your door. You want to ignore them, but they persist. You get up from your seat and wander over to your door. You slip the peephole cover over and examine your pursuer. 

It’s him. 

You think you’ll continue to ignore him. He can’t keep this up forever.

Damn it, he’s starting to talk, “Aradia please let me in.” Ignore him. “I know you’re in there.” He has to be lying; how would he know? “Nepeta told me you’re here.” Shit she would. “You need help. I’m here to care for you.” You want to tell him to get lost. 

You back away from the door and head back to your living room. He continues to speak, “I’m doing this because I want you to let me in. I don’t have to do this. I want to give you a chance.” What is he going to break down the door? He knows to be discreet. 

This isn’t the first time he’s come to your apartment. Your connection with Nepeta has helped with that. Besides, your neighbors aren’t too intrusive. You realize then that he does have the excuse if the need arises to say he’s checking up on a victim. It’s almost believable since he’s the chief of police for Skaia. You grumble, with his stamina he could keep this up for a while.

“I’m coming in Aradia.” Your door’s lock clicks open. You curse aloud; you forgot you gave him a key. You didn’t have much choice when he badgered about caring for you when you felt ill. 

He walks in, his tall, large frame just barely fitting through your door; he has a large bag at his side. He takes in your physique for a second before addressing you, “Aradia-“

“Go away.”

“You can’t mean that,” he responds with a frown. Dear Grub you’ve hurt his feelings.

“I do. I don’t want you in here Equius.”

“I’m worried about you. We haven’t spoken since . . .”

You snarl, “Since I was kidnapped and cut up?”

“. . Yes.” He’s hesitant for once after a long time. “You’re not recovering very well. Look at you, you’re thinning.” 

“Most mates prefer thinner partners.”

“You know that I found you perfect.”

“Your friends didn’t think so.”

Equius sighs, “Aradia they weren’t my- Don’t change the subject.”

“Then what is the subject?”

“You’re killing yourself if you continue this.” He heads towards your kitchen, “I’m going to make you some dinner.” 

You start to object, but your stomach would rather you not. You haven’t had a half decent meal in a long time and Equius tends to make your favorite foods in the most savory manner. You’ll allow this, for now. 

You sit down at your small table and watch him cook. Equius prefers to work in silence; which suits you fine because you’d use this time to work. But for now you’ll just watch him.

He mixes with your large pot, and you realize that he’s making his signature soup. Your stomach makes an excited growl. You savor his special soup that he knows you love. His knowledge of this fact annoys you slightly. You watch him pull out some milk from his bag; no doubt from the same animal as his lusus. He completely prefers this type to the ‘cows’ that the humans domesticated. You also know that this milk has more nutrients; which is obviously going to be used to fill your weaken body. 

After the agonizing time it took to prepare the food; Equius serves the soup in front of you. The filled spoon is in your hand as you lift it to your mouth. The hot liquid flows down into your throat filling you with the memories you shared with Equius. Your head swims in the happy times that push out the recent bad ones.

You shove your serving down to your now satisfied stomach. Your behavior would usually bother Equius, but tonight he seems please by your consumption. 

“I have a treat for us Aradia,” he says moving towards his bag. Equius pulls out a bottle of red wine, “It’s our favorite.” He walks over to show you the brand, and you indeed recognize it as the type that he shared with you on your tenth wiggling day anniversary; the day when drinking is legal for you.

He leaves the bottle with you and retrieves two wine glasses. You find a small note on the bottle that says, “Love will forever be strong between those who hold it dearest.” Equius returns to pour for the two and you hold yours now filled close to your chest. You raise it slightly to sniff the familiar scent and sigh contently. Equius raises his glass to clink with yours; you concede and he announces, “To a better future.” You nod your head as you sip your beverage. 

“I still love you Aradia.”

“I know,” you whisper back.

“But I don’t. You are being reclusive to everyone who cares about you.”

“Things are more complicated now.”

He pulls his chair around to sit closer to you, “Then let’s make it less complicated. What do I need to do to show you I love you? I am trying my best, and you are staying distant.”

You ponder for a moment; what does he need to do? Or what do you need to do to fix things? “I know what needs to be done. Something that we can do together.”

Equius smiles lightly and leans in, “I’ll do anything.”

“I want us to come out.” 

“What?” He pulls back.

“I want our relationship to go public.”

He removes his sunglasses and sets them on the table, “I don’t understand why you would want that.”

“I’m tired of hiding and lying,” you explain. “I hate not going out with you and pretending you’re just a friend’s friend.”

“Think of what we just went through!” He raises his voice. “Do you want something like that to happen again?”

“People are already wondering what I did to get in that situation! And what we went through?” you mock. “I recall being the only one with actual pain!”

“How did you think I felt? Seeing you torn up and I couldn’t do anything about it? I hated myself every second!”

“And how do you think that compares to what I went through?” You argue back. “You told me that we’d always be safe. You would keep me safe!” You slam your free hand on your chest. “And then I was being tortured while you sit comfortably away.”

“Comfortably? I was far from it! I would have done anything to take your place.”

“But you didn’t. And you know what else? Believe it or not more troll couples are dating far from their blood caste! You yourself told me about your yellow blood officer dating a sea dweller!”

“That doesn’t mean I approve.”

“Then what about us?”

“I-It’s different.”

“Is it?” you rebuke with a huff. “Or maybe you’re no better than those blue bloods that just love to cut me up!”

“You’re not making sense Aradia!”

“Admit it, you say that you think I’m perfect, but you’d rather have me be a blue blood.”

“That’s not-“

“But it is! And the only way you find it somewhat acceptable is probably from the human influence. I don’t even want to imagine our relationship surround solely by trolls!”

“You’re being irrational! Going out to the public will endanger the both of us.”

“I’m willing to take that risk. Are you?” He doesn’t answer you. Then something, something inside of you, feels broken. “So that’s your answer. The troll that loves me won’t even announce it.” You stand up, “What kind of troll are you? Strong? All I see is a weak coward.”

“I don’t think you understand-“

Crash.

He stops talking. You breathe deeply over him. Your wine glass is shattered on the floor with the rich wine spilling over the wood. Equius bends over to clean it up, but you slap him across the face. You both stand still for a moment. He reaches down again, and you proceed to hit him, but he stops you. He blocks your arm with his own to prevent the sweep.

Equius stands up and looks down on you. And you look up at him. You are still gasping for air as you watch him. You make another attempt to slap him, but he blocks it again. However this time he wraps his fingers around yours tenderly. How dare he do this to you! You feel broken inside again.

You decide to stand up on your chair because you can’t stand this height distance. Looking at him slightly down; you grab his face at the sides, and he holds your hips. 

And then, without fully understanding what you are doing, you jump on to him wrapping your legs around his waist; closing any space between the two of you. You press your mouth against his while roughly pulling on his hair. You hope some strands will pull out of his strong head; a hand act as a claw ripping his outer skin drawling a little blood from his muscular arms. Your teeth, while not the sharpest troll teeth, scratch across his lips. You pull back and push forward to gag him with your own tongue. 

And yet through all of this, Equius remains precautious. He keeps you steady around his hips and allows every entrance into his mouth. He makes no attempt to join in the battle for he understands the risks that his massive strength holds.

Arousal grows deep between the two of you experiencing this new pleasure of hatefulness.

Less than an hour later, you’re lying still in your bed with sweat chilling. The sheets are soiled, ruffled and torn. Equius lies beside you watching you with a smile. The events that just occurred are still run through your head. You’ve never had a black romance before; especially with Equius. This change in your relationship confuses your feelings towards the troll. You definitely did feel any love during that exchange. And you’re not sure how you feel at this moment.

You turn to your partner; he’s covered in small cuts and scratches made by you and he still looks pleased. Then you look at yourself, completely whole aside from the past scars. Why did he leave you like this? You could have handled some minor pain. Did he not think he was willing to control himself, or did he find himself too good for you? While you ravaged him like an animal, he remained calm. Are you something he can just tolerate? You’re furious now, but not looking for another round.

Equius adjust his arm around you; cradling you. He rubs his head to your chest and sighs. You just don’t understand. You still feel broken.

You push him away and stand from the bed. “What’s wrong?” Equius asks like he actually cares.

“Everything.” You refuse to look at him. “I want you out.”

You hear your bed creak, “I don’t understand-“

“Out. Now.”

“I’m sure we can work this out-“

“Now!” You point to your bedroom door sullenly. 

You hear him shuffle around for clothes as he quickly dresses himself. He starts to leave your room, but he stops for one moment. “I love you Aradia. I always will.” And he leaves your room, and soon you hear your front door close.

You sit down on your bed, feeling bare. A short time later you rush to your window, and just catch Equius leaving your street. You don’t call out to him, you don’t want to.

You return to your kitchen to find his items taken, but the broken wine glass still there. You pick up the bottle of wine and reread the note, “Love will forever be strong between those who hold it dearest.” And on the other side it says handwritten, “Aradia, I know together we can be the strongest of all.”

Confused as ever, you still feel broken when you thought you’d feel fixed.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this could be seen as a mini, but because some readers do not read minis because I falsely informed that they were unimportant. So I'm not going to tell what is a mini, and if you did not read the previous, then I suggest you do. Really, there is no significant difference in the future of a mini to the regular chapters.


End file.
